In the months after their daughter was born, Ariel Faulk and her husband, Oren, signed up for parenting classes and ventured out of their south Tulsa neighborhood looking for family-friendly activities.
While there was an abundance of things to do like toddler arts and crafts, library storytimes and visits to the zoo, she told The Eagle she felt a lingering isolation.
At these events, she often wondered: Where are the other Black families?
Founding Black Moms of Tulsa
Faulk, a Tulsa native with a background in child welfare, spent much of her childhood in Bermuda and Muskogee. She moved to south Tulsa in 2018 after marrying Oren.
They had their daughter the following January.
The couple could always count on her mother and sister for support. But with most of her family still in Bermuda, Faulk wanted to connect locally with women who could understand the challenges and joys of motherhood.
Six months after giving birth to her daughter, she formed the Black Moms of Tulsa group on Facebook. The group quickly grew in popularity, with about 50 women joining shortly after.
Each day, Faulk would post family-friendly events and relevant conversation starters.
“I really wanted to build a sisterhood so that we can have a community together that is exclusively for us. It kind of flourished into something bigger than what I could imagine,” she said.
Before new moms are allowed entry into the digital space, Faulk screens their social media profiles. She said it’s necessary to keep the space safe for intimate conversations.
It’s a place where members speak freely about topics like Black maternal mortality and the high rates of disciplinary punishment for Black students.
“No one’s going to understand those challenges like another Black mom,” she said.
Today, Black Moms of Tulsa has grown into an exclusive online community with over 2,500 members who also take part in offline gatherings. Faulk also maintains a baby supply closet stocked with donated books and clothes.
It’s a mutual aid effort, with members donating or Faulk herself buying the supplies.
“Everything is free. If we have it, we give it,” she told The Eagle.
When she or one of the other members can’t fulfill a mother’s request, she relies on other organizations like the Tulsa Dream Center and Oklahoma Birth Equity Initiative’s Queens Village to provide resources.
“We have a community that really is willing to help,” Faulk said.
‘It takes a village’
The online group is also a space where moms can simply be together.
In April, members gathered for a mommy-and-me dance class at Vicky B’s Dance Co. on 15th Street.
Victoria Brunson, owner of the dance studio, met Faulk in college and has been a member of Black Moms of Tulsa since its inception.
“There’s no drama. It’s not like the ‘Real Moms of Hollywood.’ There’s no issues — so it’s a beautiful thing,” she told The Eagle.
Some of the most meaningful conversations often happen when they gather without their children for a monthly “mommy night out.” Talking over dinner, the conversations can center around everything from marriage and relationships to homeschooling.
“We talk about hair care (too),” Brunson said, adding that mothers often share contacts for hair braiders and stylists in the city.
The group has become like a family, experiencing the ups and downs of life together, she said.
“We know the African proverb, ‘it takes a village to raise a child.’ (This is) just motherhood, sisterhood and building that community within ourselves,” she continued.
Not everyone views the group positively, though.
“I’m going to be honest, every day I get like a hate message for the group,” Faulk told The Eagle.
Those online messages often question the group’s exclusivity, with some saying it should be open to all mothers regardless of race. Others equate exclusivity with perpetuating racism.
Faulk said the criticism has been “hurtful and disappointing” but she believes it affirms why the group is necessary. She believes opening it up might compromise its sense of safety and authenticity.
“I don’t think we should have to shrink ourselves,” she said. “I want (the mothers) to be their full, authentic selves. That’s where healing begins.”
Seven years into building the community — and raising her own child — Faulk said she has learned a lot about herself. Now, she’s focused on planning the next in-person meetup.
She hopes to one day launch a mentor program where teen moms would be matched with more experienced mothers.
“I’ve pushed myself to levels I never thought I could reach,” she said. “I think being a mother just kind of brings out the superhuman in you.”
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